Summary for the impatient
- We aim to help those going through divorce/separation. Our primary focus is on maintaining good contact with kids.
- Meetings are at two different locations, each approximately fortnightly, see here for meeting locations and times.
- You are welcome to bring a friend to meetings.
- Bring relevant papers to meetings, it will greatly help us to help you.
- We have email lists to give help between meetings.
- What is talked about at meetings is confidential.
- You must retain ultimate responsibility for how you run your life, we can only advise.
Information
We aim to help you find information that will enable you to make informed decisions whether you are instructing lawyers or representing yourself.
After all, it is the personalities of the players that is crucial to outcomes, and only you know those personalities.
In many instances it will be more efficient for you to refer to published materials available from FNF or commercial publishers,
using our meetings to interpret some of this information and gain a perspective on your own individual circumstances.
A book may seem expensive but if it can save you 15 minutes of a solicitor's
time it will have more than paid for itself.
You may also find information at the Family Law Wiki, an initiative
run by members of this branch.
Hosts
The host, the person who chairs the meeting, will not necessarily be the
person with the information most relevant to your situation.
The difficulties and problems are wide-ranging and in many instances it will
be the relatively inexperienced members who have recently encountered situations
similar to yours, who will be best placed to tell you what did, or didn't, work
for them.
For example, the father who has recently been involved in CAFCASS interviews or
who has experienced contact in a contact center would often be better placed to
describe events you are anticipating, than perhaps would a more experienced
member.
Self-help group, help us to help you
You may just be lucky enough to find someone who has the ability to help you and
may offer to give you a great deal of time and individual support outside the
meeting. However, most helpers have full-time jobs and their own difficult family
situations to manage, so the basic principle is that we aim to guide you so that
you will be able to resource and help yourself.
And we hope that soon you will be in a position to offer help to other newcomers.
When your problems die down please don't stop coming to meetings, continue to come
and give to others the help that was given so freely to you.
We do see some who turn up a few times and then 'disappear' only to suddenly make a frantic
'phone call because they are in court in a few days time. This is not clever:
- Action in court, meetings with CAFCASS, ... is part of a process. You need to learn
what is likely to happen and prepare what you will say, maybe doing things that take
several weeks to implement.
- Listening to what happens to others is the best way of getting experience, this takes time.
- Trying to deal with these matters over the 'phone is not easy. There are often
long or legal documents that need to be read, what an experienced helper reads
into these is often very different from someone who is new to the process.
- A helper might be busy or have other things on his mind. An emergency 'phone call
when the matter could have been dealt with at previous regular meetings is a good way
of annoying your helper.
Networking
This group meets for a few hours roughly once a fortnight but most of our work continues between meetings.
We have an email list (that is private to members), many members get much help through this list.
The meetings are the means whereby you plug-in and start to network.
You may be given a telephone number or email address of another member, even someone not present,
but a person who may have specialist knowledge relevant to your situation.
Often you will be asked permission to give your contact detail to a specialist, this is to
protect the specialist's privacy, they will often contact you within a few days.
Please respect others' privacy, don't give out contact details unless you have permission to do so.
If someone does 'phone you: offer to call them back so that you pay for the call, this is especially
desirable if your are calling from a mobile 'phone.
You are welcome to bring a friend to meetings, that person might be a new partner, a parent or a mate.
They will be made welcome.
Litigation
Litigation is a last resort.
Often, we will incorrectly assume that newcomers have explored all other means
of resolving their problems and information focused on court applications will
be provided. Remember, and remind us if we forget, that negotiation and mediation
are always preferable to litigation.
You would be unwise to go into court alone. If you do not have a solicitor, we
can help you find a McKenzie friend.
Documentation
For those seeking help with litigation, perhaps with drafting a reply to a
solicitor's letter, it is best if you can attend with a file of documentation
because the actual wording of these documents is often very important.
- Use a ring-binder, keep court orders, statements and correspondence separate and
in chronological order.
- Use a hard backed note book as a diary. Do not use one where pages can be easily removed
or added - this reduces credibility if you need to refer to it in court.
- A chronologically ordered one line per event summary kept on a computer is also useful.
- You may need to know these important documents like the back of your hand.
National Resources
Besides the hard-copy material and information published on the FNF
website, we recommend that members explore and join the two Internet forums (FNF
chat & FNF self-help) to benefit from input from others around the country.
Emotional Support
Being part of a community, not being isolated, but having the opportunity to
share your troubles with others who can relate to how you feel, both during and
between meetings, generally provides members with a great strength.
You will find that you 'non divorced' friends will soon start to regard you as
a 'divorce bore' - it is important to you, but not to them.
Do keep coming to the meetings, it is cathartic, we have been through the problems,
we understand, we won't get bored.
Confidentiality
You are likely to hear and maybe speak about intensely personal matters.
By choosing to remain in this meeting you will signify that you will abide by our
code of confidentiality - that you agree not to repeat any personal details
heard here.
When you introduce yourself you need only use your first name.
Membership
Though these meetings are open to the public you will be expected to
join FNF
and pay an annual subscription since your subscription money is needed to run
the national organisation. The more members the Charity has, the stronger its
lobbying arm becomes. By joining you make a statement and commitment to become a
member of our community helping one another.
If not already a member, ask for an application form right now.
Register
We keep an attendance register so that we have some data on meetings to report to the national office.
Any contact details you supply will not be shared outside of the Meeting hosts.
By giving us your contact details you will indicate that the Host may contact you.
Occasionally during the year we may use a profile register asking for
information on ethnicity, age, employment status and disability, information
that is essential if the Charity is to be successful in any grant funding
applications.
Liability
The organisers of this meeting can accept no responsibility for the accuracy or any information provided at this meeting.
Attendees are advised to check the accuracy of any information and must always retain
responsibility for any decisions made as a result of this information.
Your case is your own, only you know the personalities involved.
Helpers give what they believe is good advice based on their experience.
